Knock, knock! This on is a good one for anyone who needs to feel in control all the time…..and make positive changes in your life and for anyone you come into contact with. But first, you have to go behind the door to see what’s there and undoubtedly, like every other door, it will lead to you others. But let’s start here!
Before my junior year in high school I travelled to England and Scotland for three weeks to play field hockey with Continental Teams. Our coach gave us a handout with a quote Attitude by Charles Swindoll. It’s my all time favorite quote besides lines from the movies Tommy Boy or Dumb & Dumber that make me giggle every time!
One of my top values is Attitude. Life IS 90% how you react to it – one hundred percent!
I’ve got a lot going on; lots of good stuff but lots nonetheless. People in my personal and professional life seem to say often, ’I don’t know how you do it all’. My typical response is ‘I have a good attitude and sense of humor’ because I don’t know what else to say and I sure don’t want to start complaining, a bitch session or who’s more busy competition!
This manifesto has served me well over the past 30 years. I’ve seen it serve others well too but not as often as I wish. The key component of hanging behind this door is to (1) understand what your general attitude is in an authentic way (2) be curious about why your attitude is such and (3) work to change it if it isn’t really serving you or anyone around you.
Every time you knock on a door, you are going to have to do some thinking and some work. It’s not easy stuff but it will force you to take a peek inside of you and be an observer of others to be the best version of you. At least for me, that’s one of my ultimate goals. And I sure know I’m not going to get there just skipping along the hallways or the trails without knocking or walking right in.
Here are some ways I’ve seen attitude in play:
• I can pretty much see the bright side of anything – good, bad, pain, sorrow, loss, tragedy, anything really. This doesn’t mean that I don’t feel deep empathy when I see suffering but I trust that if you react to: success, a loss of death or divorce, a handicapped child, an alcoholic family member, someone else’s success, a slap in the face, someone saying something hurtful, reaching your goal of losing weight, evolving into someone different – it IS more important than anything AND you are in control – double bonus. You can react simply with a smile and you’ve just changed the dynamic of the situation. This one is a favorite: when some shithead cuts you off (even worse if they are driving some fancy ride) – oh, you must be having diarrhea waves and I’m happy to let you rush ahead of me to reach a toilet.
• My best parenting strategy is to discipline the instigator. If G stole R’s cookie and R started whaling on him, I’d pull R aside right away and teach him how to solve it different. I usually wouldn’t punish him any further unless he needed time to think about it. I’d make them both apologize. It’s counterintuitive to our culture but it’s teaching how you can control a reaction. I’d like to teach some adults this in real-time but not sure it would go over too well. I’ll just keep working on mine.
• My beautiful sister Beth embarked on the loss of her husband through divorce last year. We went to Miraval last April and afterwards, her outlook was incredibly profound and clear. Her attitude shifted to “thank you for letting me go” and while what she was going through wasn’t easy AT ALL, she shifted her attitude and got through it. I love that she was open to it. I love her.
I don’t always have the best attitude about everything – especially when I find myself complaining about something or blaming someone. I know there needs to be an attitude adjustment inside me and how I’m reacting to the situation. I really try not to ‘change’ the situation or the person’s behavior. It’s 100% unproductive.
Open Door #2 to get close to your attitude. Be curious, ask why, travel back to Door #1 to get some insight and then come back in. Make it positive. Be the example. The very best use of energy in our day-to-day lives is to reactive in a way that is loving, from the heart and honest. Simply be aware, get quiet and take control. It’s simple but it isn’t always easy. If nothing else have the Attitude of Gratitude and respond with a ‘thank you’. See what happens.
With Love,
Katie