I love the metaphor of ‘opening doors’. I picture life as a series of little journeys wandering down an open but narrow space (hallway or trails) alone where there are always doors along the way. Mostly, we just walk through them blindly or take an intellectually based educated guess what might be on the other side. I love that what awaits behind the ‘doors’ is unknown. I’ve come to appreciate that most people do not. If sharing my knock, knock stories inspire you to open a door, then I’ve succeeded!
I started either knocking or accepting invitations to open doors, very intentionally, about 8 years ago when I was 36. First, when I went on a vacation with my dearest friend Stephanie to Miraval in Tucson AZ. We went simply because Oprah said it was great. It was the only time in my life that I ever meditated and had to pay a lot of money to learn how to breathe even though I was healthy and alive. Huh?
Second, about 7 years ago my hair was starting to thin and fall out more than the normal shedding. Huh? Everything was really great but I intuitively knew that I needed to get curious about the inside (like my head inside). So I made an appointment with a life coach – they are more focused on the road ahead; me too!
My knocking continued about 3.5 years ago when I found myself crying for no external trigger but rather when I started just to think about things. I was still laughing every day but this was weird behavior for me. I started to realize that my automatic operating system of making certain that everyone around me was happy was now beginning to deplete me. Huh? In came my mom’s best friend’s daughter Kathryn who became my business coach. Welcome to Door #1.
When I opened the door to figure out why I was a people pleaser, the answers were not immediately given to me and I’m still spending a whole lot of time behind it and was guided through another door. What I’ve learned is that when you are the youngest of four and your mother dies when you are 3.5 years old, a deep sense of abandonment began to shape me. Of course I am going to make everyone around me happy because then they will love me and won’t leave me. I’ve learned that I’m actually really grateful that I have a natural ability + willingness to have compassion but when my actions and thoughts are driven by a 3.5 year old little girl, they don’t serve me any longer. I’ve had to learn to honor the little me, acknowledge the loss of my mother and while I don’t remember her in my frontal lobe, she has been along my side every single day since April 15, 1976. You can easily look at the timeline of my childhood and think, ‘duh of course this is true’ but it’s not until you begin to ‘feel’ that you actually begin to understand. How many people ask you ‘how do you feel?’ when you were young?
Start knocking on Door #1 to be curious about what you were like or what happened to you before you were 7 years old. It will give you insight into who you are today. I’m convinced, based on the work I have done, that we are essentially all roaming the earth as adults with our ‘little kids’ inside. Kind of scary when you think about it! Get curious, get inside your head to listen and start to release the coping methods you developed way back when. Honor them and then say goodbye.
Oh, there are so many Doors! See you tomorrow. If anyone has been curious about opening a door please let me know. If I’ve opened it, I’ll share my experience with you.
With love,
Katie