door #11: time

I'm two posts late because two days I didn't have enough time to open a door. Darn it. Tick-Tock, Knock-Knock! I have no idea how to define time and have done a little research to understand it but it goes way beyond my comprehension. I do know that I and everyone around me whines 'there isn't enough time' so join me behind this door to understand more about time and how we let it rule our worlds.

I want to better understand time so I could manage it better, stop complaining about not having enough of it, doing something and having no idea how much time passed, stop being stressed by time, and understand why my relationship with time is like being on an episode of Amazing Race and arriving at my destination 'just in time' or even a tad late, rarely early. 

I suppose that the measure of time was developed to create order. Smart. But, we are so driven by time that it seems to make us all a little bit crazy. Stupid. When I was going off to college, my Dad told me that with 24 hours in a day, I could sleep for 8, go to class/study for 8 and then do whatever I wanted for the other 8. Duh, so easy. Playing out the college time theory in real life was next to impossible. I was busy in college: Division 1 sport, RA, nanny, student, friend, girlfriend and some studying. I was terrible at managing my time to the 3x8. 

Time is a big source of internal judgement for me even though  I feel like I am a master at maximizing time, whatever it is. I can get a lot of shit done in the course of a day/week/month/year but yet, it alwasy seems to create so much stress and I know I'm not alone. I don't think I have ever heard someone say, 'i have the perfect amount of time to get everything done today'. My dream is for me to say that and live that way. 

Time is a dominating force in our day if we are aware of it or not. Some examples:
1. One of my least favorite chores is to unload the dishwasher and pretty much either try to avoid it or it takes me like 30 minutes. So one day I decided to time myself from start to finish. It took just under 5 minutes. Huh? i spent more time thinking and more energy avoiding it instead of just doing it. Still don't like it though! 
2. Stuffing our schedules with too much. We are making ourselves and our children cray-cray by cramming into the days that there is very little 'downtime' and we will suffer now and longer term from this. Why do we feel the need to say yes to everything and give up our time AND pay a lot of money for it in exchange?
3. Stuck in time. That is, stuck in the past or the future where things have already happened and we have no idea what's going to happen. We should all focus on the present time, like right now, because that's really all we have. This takes a really long time to master - like your lifetime! Keep knocking. :)
4. Being so focused on time can quickly take out the joy. In my business, we provide thoughtful execution, among lots of other stuff. A former co-worker said to me once, 'wow, being thoughtful takes up so much more time.' I was dumbfounded by her revelation becasue my brain doesn't calculate my time that way - thoughtful execution is just what I do.
5. I read a book a while ago that we'd be better off if we managed our energy vs. our time. I love that concept but when you live in the USA, you'd be doing it pretty much on your own because our culture doesn't support it. 
6. I don't watch TV - many weeks I spend zero time unless we are watching something as a family or my husband and I watch a few select series together (new Ray Donovan started last night!). In my view, it's a huge waste of time.
7. How valuable is your time? In my professional life, we provide a service in exchange for fees. The most difficult thing I have had to do in the past 12 years is to value our/my time. What is it worth per month (we do not charge by the hour)? Our primary output is our time, we save our clients tons-o-time, yet puting a price tag on it is tough stuff. In my personal life, I'm constantly struggling with deciding to do things ourselves because we are capable but outsourcing because our time is worth more than paying. But is it if we don't value our professional lives properly - it's all connected.
8. Watch people going up and down elevators in a big building. I find this facinating. Most of them are miserable AND it's where they spend the majority of their time.
9. I constantly set alarms on my phone to try to make me more rigid with time and all I do is ignore them. It's comical and also makes me feel like a loser-bag.
10. After I read the book The 4-Hour Workweek, I wanted to spend a week shadowing the author and at the end beat him up! Who the hell can work only for 4 hours and be productive? I'd be happy with a 10X his workweek!

Time is really interesting and we should all have a mission to think, feel and speak as if we have just the perfect amount of it. We are totally in control of how we spend our time. When you hang out behind door #11, don't be rushed, be curious and if it takes you a lot of time, so be it. It will be time well spent! 

With love, 
Katie

p.s. thank you for spending your time reading. xo

door #10: eulogy

It's not sad behind this door! One certainty in our lives is at some point our physical bodies will eventually stop working and we die. Our death will then become an event, with very little advanced planning, and the people that care about us the most will get up in front of a lot of people and talk about you. 

In my mind, I'm always thinking about my eulogy and what my funeral will be like. It may sound pretty morbid but it is actually a source of inspiration. I have let go of the fear of dying. I try to live each day/week/month/year to the fullest so what I leave behind is better off for anyone I love. I want to give those burdened with preparing a eulogy for me some kick-ass material. I want to live a life where I'm constantly challenging myself so I can learn, be inspired and then give it all right back. 

I definitely don't want my eulogy to talk about how many hours I worked, the size of my house or my statement of net worth, the cars I drove or all the stuff I acquired. In our day to day lives, these kind of things seem to matter but they have no value, other than being listed on your estate tax return. What matters most is how you make people feel, how you inspire, your core values that you have projected into the world and the impact you have made on others. How cool would it be to have someone, who you would never put on your eulogy list, to get in front of all your loved ones to share how you affected him/her? 

When I visualize the celebration of my life, here's how I think about it:

* So crowded that the line at the wake wraps around the building a couple times but everyone in line is talking their line-mate with a smile on their faces
* Tunes being played. Everything is better when some uplifting music is playing in the background. I'd like to buck the myth that silence = respectful. No awkward silence at my party, please.
* A party. I want everyone who participates in showing support to my family to have fun or at least walk away with a lifted spirit. A live band would be awesome but will settle for a DJ. :)
* I hope my eulogy brings people to tears. Not tears of sadness but tears of being moved because the stories that are told about me are inspiring and everyone walks away thinking of ways to be a source of inspiration. 
* Nobody is wearing black on black! When you pick our your outfit for my wake or funeral, please don't find the most dreary outfit. Pick out the one you love wearing. I'm not going to judge you!

When I think about my death, I am motivated to live a life that is full as possible. In order to to this, you have to start knocking on doors, being super curious, ask why, say 'huh?', make changes, take some risks, let go, face your fears, live by your values, understand where you came from so you know where you are going, quiet your mind, find your passion and keep on going. 

Come on in so you can think about who's going to be there, what are they going to say, what's the vibe going to be like, what will they do without you? I've tried this: write a draft of your eulogy. This is no easy task. Give your loved ones something wonderful to talk about. It's not sad behind this door, it's insightful.

With love,
Katie

door #9: fear

Knock, knock! When you come through, you can probably name your fears fairly easily: heights, snakes, my child getting kidnapped, flying, etc. these are all true fears. But discovering what fears you have deep inside you are what we need to acknowledge. What are you REALLY afraid of? 

We have lots of choices to make every day. I've been seeing this quote often: choose Love over Fear. And, as usual, I am trying to understand what that really means. Just like: choose Vegtables over Reece's Cup. I know the right answer logically but unless I'm fully aware, I'm eating the Reece's Cup....just one, no big deal! 

I know I should say and do everything with the source being love but until you begin to discover and become aware of your fears, it's really difficult to access the authentic love. We're on auto pilot with fear being behind the wheel. Here are some of my inner fears and a few examples to attempt to illustrate how I let them take control:

1. I fear not being smart enough. Whenever someone asks me where I went to college, 99% of the time I follow the answer with 'and I had an althletic scholarship' or 'the 4th best school in the state'. I know I'm smart, with a higher EQ than IQ, but fear being judged by where I went to college. I see people get so excited when someone answers with some expensive, branded college/university. A choice of college is part of someone's story but doesn't define you. I am starting to just simply answer without any justification and choosing love.

2. I fear being needy. I can totally take care of myself, am independent and don't need your help. When thinking and behaving from this fear, I shut out human connections - the foundation of what everyone is seeking, including me. There is no give/take. I'm starting to ask for help or at a minimum say 'yes, thank you' and choosing love.

3. I fear being abandoned. I spend so much energy to make certain everyone around me is happy and they like me and won't leave me. #2 comes from this place too. Our fears are simple yet difficult to discover. I'm in the process of working on this one and acknowledging that I'm good enough as I am (love) and if someone doesn't like me, that's okay. 

4. I fear failure. When I choose to do something, I'm pretty much take the intense 'all in' approach. Cuz, I will succeed. I care way to much what other people think and that they might call me a quitter! I'll show you. There is a lot of external ego in fear of failing. I don't fully understand the source of this fear but am super curious about it. I want to choose love.

Our fears developed a very long time ago and most of them do not serve us any longer. They are playing in the background all the time. Why are giving them power? Give the power to love.

Come on through this scary door to understand and name your fears. There is some deep stuff in here.  Become aware of the source of your thoughts and actions. Once you can name something, you can begin to change your thoughts and your behaviors. You begin to shift from fear to love, everything around you will shift. When you discover your inner fears, you will appreciate others and find compassion. 

With love,
Katie

door #8: money

There is SO much behind this door and so many more doors with interesting things to learn! Money is a super fascinating subject. Most people like to SHOW money but rarely do people want to TALK about it.

Unless you are a Mongolian nomad (and among a few other cultures), then you deal with money. We all have a money story. Here's mine:

I've always worked like a dog. It was part of our household culture that was created by my parents (mostly my Mom, Dianne) and one for which I am grateful! I remember going to the town hall when I was 13 or 14 to get my working papers so I could apply for a job. I ALWAYS said 'yes' when an opportunity arose and so I had a lot of opportunities. I was a babysitting machine (hint, hint: also left the house in perfect form so the parent's would call me back) worked for a State Rep, my father's franchise, HR office in the summers, an RA in college + 3 years nanny during college, started working a week after graduation, got a second job to pay for rent, etc. My work ethic = A+. There was a rule in our house that we had to give 50% of what we earned so it would be saved for us. Really awesome idea except, for me, I didn't really 'learn' about money; I just knew how to make it. So, when I got access to the money that I was 'taken from me to be saved', I was a wild woman - it may have been about $2.5k back then but a lot of money for a college kid. I'm also naturally generous so about 25% of that was probably used for first rounds for everyone! When I got my first Discover Card, I went bananas too - new bedding, TV, clothes, etc. My roommates remember Mr. Stanley from Discover Card because he always called our house (no cell phones then) when I was late paying my bill!! My financial education = D. I always wonder where I'd be today if I had a foundation of an A+ work ethic and a B+ financial education. Just curious though as I don't dwell much in the past. And, I KNOW we are all doing the best we can.

Money is typically not a source of stress for me. I know I'll always have enough because I work or I can sell stuff or I can borrow and eventually pay it back. I always have a choice so I'm good.  If all else fails, you'll see me at the Dover Market with a smile or better yet, at the Dover Deli giving Eugenia a run for her money! :) I think I inherited the no-stress-money trait from my Dad. But, money is a source of stress for my Mom and in many ways I'm thankful because it was a balance for my Dad but sad because it caused and causes her so much anxiety. 

Money is a HUGE stress for SOOOO many people yet NOBODY talks about it...rarely, if ever! I love talking about it and I don't judge people around money; it informs your story. I find it fascinating that people will share a detailed, private sexual experience yet, they don't talk about money - huh? There is so much shame surrounding it because we give so much POWER to that little green piece of paper or a number on a statement or spreadsheet. 

As I mentioned behind Door #5, I have the privilege of talking about money all the time because of my business. I dream of talking about it with everyone regardless of one's financial situation because when you talk about something, you take the power away from it, you take away the mystery and you gain clarity, insight and control.

There are so many conversations that we could be having about money. Questions like this come to mind:

  • How much you got?
  • How did you get it?
  • Why are you so generous?
  • Why do you hoard your money?
  • What's the source of your entitlement?
  • Why do you keep spending if you need to borrow?
  • Why do I buy stuff that I can't afford?
  • Why did I invest in that crappy investment?
  • Why did I invest in that winner?
  • How do you value your time?
  • If you had no money, how much would you be worth?
  • What's the source of your wealth? How do you feel about it?
  • Does money make you feel powerful or powerless?
  • How come you never pull out your wallet when we are together?
  • Does all that stuff you own make you happy?
  • Do you feel like crap because you don't have as much stuff as your neighbor?
  • What would you do if you never had to worry about financial security?
  • What are you doing since you don't have to ever worry about financial security?
  • I know, why does everyone expect you to spend so much money just because you have more?
  • How's that $5k outfit working for you?
  • How much do you give to charity? Why?
  • If you can afford to buy it, why do you feel so bad about owning it.
  • What's your money story?
  • If you had nothing but shelter, food and clothing, how would you feel?
  • Who are you without all your stuff?
  • How do you teach your children about money? What do they witness? How's that working for you?

Newsflash: we live in a world where NOT ENOUGH is our inner dialogue around money - it doesn't matter how much you have. It builds walls, it builds fear, it creates destruction, it creates little and humungous conflicts, it's the #1 source of conflict in relationships. 

We need to change the way we THINK about money and when we do, we'll change how we FEEL about money. Money is just an object.

Personally, I am intentionally seeking financial abundance so I can put it back into the world in an incredibly meaningful and empowering way.

Money + the energy around it fascinates me and there will be other doors related to this topic. Knock. Knock. Start thinking about it. Start talking about your money story. Call me if you want to begin the conversation in a safe place. 

With love,
Katie

door #7: letting go

Hearing the phrase "let it go" it always makes we wonder. In fact, there are many phrases that I hear (be free, love your self, find your passion, etc) that are so cliche or surface that I'm constantly in a state of curiosity: huh, what does it actually mean? It's taken me a long time to better understand how to apply "letting go" to life and its purpose. Come on in so I can share with you how it's part of my life.

To me, letting go is like being a super hero for the PRESENT MOMENT. It's about control and the only thing we can really control is our own thoughts and actions and the present moment (like right this very second) yet we try to control whatever we can (people, outcomes, reactions) and we let the past or the future dictate our thoughts which turn into our actions -which can turn you into a psycho!

The act of letting go is really scary because we have trained ourselves from an early age to be in control and if we are not in control then we must be out of control and that's no way to live. The act of letting go happens with the tangible and intangible. We hold on to so much stuff - feelings (sadness, resentment, shame, embarrassment) and crap (stuffed in closets, filling up or houses, offices, inboxes, cars, clothes, junk drawers). We don't really appreciate the grasp we have on all of this. If you want a swift solution for all your crap, read 'the life-changing magic of tidying up' by marie kondo and carve out a few days to purge. If you are a freaky minimalist [envious] on the outside, then you are likely holding on to a lot on the inside. Truth is, we ALL are and it's super easy to try and hide it....and we try! And it's okay because that's part of the human condition.

The feelings piece is way more work without immediate gratification because - you guessed it - it requires you to be quiet and gain deep awareness. The best way to get there is to hang out behind Door #6 each day. Think of the act of letting go of anything as a release of energy, a source that you can't see but you feel all around you, all the time. And the more you let go, the more doors you will be able to open. You'll begin to take down some of the walls that surround you, open your heart and create more human connections.

Here are some things that I'm working on to try to illustrate the act of letting go:

1. Rock hard abs. I spend so much mental energy trying to figure out if I should have them, could I get them, what kind of exercise do I need to do to achieve them most efficiently, blah, blah. I'm not 100% ready to give up on them but I'm really trying to let this thought/goal just go. It doesn't really serve me and I'm certain I could spend all this time and energy on something a bit more productive. Note that I said mental energy....if it was indeed a top priority for me, I'd probably be actually doing something about it. Interesting. Let it go, girl.
2.  Trying to make everyone happy. Work in progress. I certainly know that intellectually, it's not possible to make everyone I interact with happy but I sure do put a lot of effort to achieve it. I am intentionally trying to let go of these thoughts/behaviors and trust that my genuine kindness, compassion is enough.
3. Expectations. There are many imposed or self-imposed expectations on us. Be a good mother, wife, daughter. Dress a certain way. Don't say this, say that. Study hard, get good grades, get a job. Don't quit. Work hard. Always have a smile. Don't complain. Suck it up. The list could be a mile long. My ultimate goal is to find the gifts that God/The Universe gave me and let them shine through to have a massive positive impact on a massive amount of people. Big goal. And, in order for me make my way there, I must begin let go of expectations.My toolbox for this is to become more and more aware and to be intentional on discovering what is no longer serving me. It's a lot of work.
4. Revenue. This one was H.U.G.E. This year I had to be willing to let go of clients, clients I truly cared about, because what my business was giving and what we were receiving was completely out of balance. This knocks on so many doors. The process totally sucked for me but it had to be done and I did it AND everyone is doing just fine!

Surround yourself with people that are super heros of the present moment. If you are a control freak, then put your energies behind Door #7 to understand how to LET GO so you can gain more control + freedom + peace.

With love,
Katie

door #6: meditation

Shhh, come on in but no knocking please! The first time I ever meditated was 8 years ago at Miraval. There were about six of us in a room and when I introduced myself, I also apologized in advance if I giggled because this was so foreign to me as I admitted that I never sat still for 45 minutes, awake. Thankfully, I didn't giggle but a new Door did open for me.

The primary reason I meditate is to become aware of my thoughts. I have learned that for the only way to make any positive shifts in my life, I need to get real about what I'm thinking. The only way to do this is to be quiet and notice what's going on inside your noggin. 

Meditation is really easy and it's also really difficult. Huh? My first formal training was with a TM teacher in Concord about 4-5 years ago. I'm pretty sure I googled something like 'easy meditation technique'. I found the Transcendental Meditation site and signed myself up for 'effortless meditation' which consisted of meeting with your teacher for 4 days in a row. Then, you just have to sit with your eyes closed twice a day for 20 minutes silently saying your unique mantra. Sweet! 

Then in the winter of 2014, I took an 8 week MBSR course in Dedham. Here, I was taught other forms of meditation: body scan (lying down = nap time!), yoga, walking, guided. My 11 year old daughter joined me too because I wanted to open this door for her at an early age.

I also have a bunch of apps on my phone, put alarms to remind me to meditate, told people about it and bought props: a meditation pillow, blanket, gong thing, incense and music.

All of this and I'd give myself a C average. I strive to get an A+. Meditating is not for pansies. How can something so easy be so difficult? Because when you get in your head, it's pretty much a shit-show and you have to start acknowledging your thoughts and then letting them just pass on by. I would NEVER say any of the things I tell myself out loud or to anyone else and amazed how my internal dialogue never shuts the frig up! While I'm fairly laid back, my operating system is to be busy. I can barely watch TV for more than 5 minutes and I generally think going to the movies is a waste of time (miss 3 hours of doing?). I remember asking a teacher 'what do monks actually do if they just sit most of the day?' Donkey.

I make myself busy to avoid the uncomfortable silence. Yet, when I make the time to be quiet, everything is so much better and way more clear. Not having enough time is simply an excuse. And a lame one at best.

When we are busy, we react. When we go within, we respond. React vs. Respond - no brainer. I want to walk through Door #6 every single day. Please join me or let me join you when I'm struggling. 

With love,
Katie

door #5: your net worth

Welcome in! Over the last 16 years I have compiled personal net worth statements ranging from $35 million to more than $400 million. If I added them all up, it would be close to $2 billion in real estate, cash, stocks, bonds, hedge funds, private equity funds, venture funds, stock options, angel investments, note receivables, art collections, business interests, cars, boats, planes, trusts, private investments, et cetera. 

People are fascinated with people who are wealthy. I'm fascinated with people and it just so happens that my professional experience has been with people who have very high net worths......on paper. Our business serves individuals who have a lot of complexity because of the financial abundance created by them or earlier generations and it will hopefully continue on for future generations. It's really, really interesting work. But check out this formula: a huge financial net worth DOES NOT EQUAL being fulfilled or even happy. Seriously. It EQUALS being able to buy and do whatever you want PLUS setting your kids up for financial security. It gives one the power of choice....in the material world.

Newsflash: It also creates and incredible amount of stress. A lot. I have developed a deep sense of compassion for people who have significant wealth. They are constantly judged and everyone assumes there are no worries because they have 'it all'.  Not knowing where your next meal is coming from is less stressful than the burden that comes with the ability to do whatever you want. Trust me.

Everyone has a financial net worth - add up the value of everything you own, subtract everything you owe and there's your financial net worth. Hopefully it's a positive number. If you have never done this, it's definitely a worthwhile and sometimes scary exercise to see it in black & white. 

I have the privilege of having hundreds of conversations that start because there is a lot of money; however we don't talk about the dollars. We talk about control, how people feel, what goals are they trying to achieve, why are they making a particular decision, their family, who will benefit, what will it look like in 5, 10, 20 years. I have the privilege of seeing beyond the net worth of their dollars and peeking into the net worth of their hearts and souls. 

Here's my advice: do whatever possible to increase the Net Worth of your Soul. It's the most important balance sheet and one that you can't track in Excel.

Hang behind Door #5 for a while. I've spent my entire career here. I know you've heard that no amount of money or stuff will bring your joy. As you learned with Door #4, human connection is the source of fulfillment and it's FREE. 

With love,
Katie

door #4: human connection

All we crave is connecting with other people. It's at the foundation of everything we do and all our interactions. It is the source of our joy and our pain. I recently learned that in order for a true connection to be made, one has to give and the other must receive. My internal dialogue has always been 'it's better to give than to receive' so when I heard this, it was pretty much a huh? moment. When you look around, it's easy to put people in the 'giver' or 'taker' category.

I fear being put in the taker category so I've trained myself to be a world-class giver. I've even build a really great business giving and serving others. I'm incredibly independent and rarely do I ask for help beyond seeking guidance from others in my quest to evolve. Tejpal (from Miraval) told me that I needed to learn how to receive about 3 months ago during an energy healing phone call. By not doing so, I would continue to deplete myself. So I started and my first attempt at 'asking' was in my business and from our clients. It was THE most difficult thing that I've ever had to do (more on this later behind another door). 

It all started to make sense - everywhere you go, regardless of what you are doing and in every situation with another person, we are making connections. And, in order for those interactions to be genuine, there must be a give & a take. I like to think about the act of giving like a gift and the other person expresses gratitude by accepting it. Here are some simple ways that I am practicing:

1. When someone offers me a drink, I now say yes. So stupid, I know, but I never want to be a burden to anyone so 99% of the time, I would say 'I'm fine' unless I was dehydrated.
2. When I receive a compliment, I now say thank you instead of immediately responding with a compliment or saying something like 'no I'm not'. Again, ridiculous.
3. Listening. It's the perfect way to receive what someone else is giving. I just shut the 'pie-hole' and listen. This is a challenge cuz I want to give something right back right away.

Now that I've invited you behind Door #4, be curious about your human connections, if your tendency is to give or take and how you can practice making genuine connections that will fill you both up. If you do nothing else, just smile more often. Love is the BEST gift and in return, love will come right back to you. Let the connections begin.

With love,
Katie

door #3: values

I was asked by a life coach 8 years ago to list my values and to my surprise, it was a really difficult exercise. This is a door that you would not typically knock on until life presented you with a reason to do so. Schools don't offer a 'Values 101' class – but they should. You develop your values from the people responsible for raising you (knock, knock Door #1), your teachers, mentors, the people you spend the most time with. Values are an unwritten manifesto that you carry with you whether you are aware of them or not. And, they change as we evolve. My values when I was 21 are very different now.

My top five values in 2016 are: Attitude, Humor, Compassion, Gratitude and Curiosity.

When you dig deep to understand what you stand for, you will align your life with your values to lead a more fulfilling life. If honesty is one of your core values and your job is a used car salesperson, you ain't going to be happy - it doesn't work! Your values define you, guide you and help lead you through the unknown days ahead. They will help you make the best decisions in both your personal and professional life. 

Next time you are sharing a glass of wine talking about your summer plans, change it up! Ask about their core values, talk about yours. Why not? They are so important to uncover and there is no shame in saying, ‘heck, not sure’. Being aware of not knowing is just as valuable. You can then start using your thoughts in a productive way – watch yourself as you go through your days and you’ll begin to discover what is most important to you. Tada, your values list will begin to develop.

Get through the door to figure them out. Find someone you trust to do the exercise with. Think about the moments that brought you joy and what was going on. What makes you really proud? If you close your eyes and dig deep inside, what comes from your soul? What are you made of and what do you want to shine through? Your values are who you are! Go find them and go live by them. Then invite someone to join you behind Door #3.

With love,
Katie

door #2: attitude

Knock, knock! This on is a good one for anyone who needs to feel in control all the time…..and make positive changes in your life and for anyone you come into contact with. But first, you have to go behind the door to see what’s there and undoubtedly, like every other door, it will lead to you others. But let’s start here!

Before my junior year in high school I travelled to England and Scotland for three weeks to play field hockey with Continental Teams. Our coach gave us a handout with a quote Attitude by Charles Swindoll. It’s my all time favorite quote besides lines from the movies Tommy Boy or Dumb & Dumber that make me giggle every time!

One of my top values is Attitude. Life IS 90% how you react to it – one hundred percent!

I’ve got a lot going on; lots of good stuff but lots nonetheless. People in my personal and professional life seem to say often, ’I don’t know how you do it all’. My typical response is ‘I have a good attitude and sense of humor’ because I don’t know what else to say and I sure don’t want to start complaining, a bitch session or who’s more busy competition!

This manifesto has served me well over the past 30 years. I’ve seen it serve others well too but not as often as I wish. The key component of hanging behind this door is to (1) understand what your general attitude is in an authentic way (2) be curious about why your attitude is such and (3) work to change it if it isn’t really serving you or anyone around you.

Every time you knock on a door, you are going to have to do some thinking and some work. It’s not easy stuff but it will force you to take a peek inside of you and be an observer of others to be the best version of you. At least for me, that’s one of my ultimate goals. And I sure know I’m not going to get there just skipping along the hallways or the trails without knocking or walking right in.

Here are some ways I’ve seen attitude in play:

•    I can pretty much see the bright side of anything – good, bad, pain, sorrow, loss, tragedy, anything really. This doesn’t mean that I don’t feel deep empathy when I see suffering but I trust that if you react to: success, a loss of death or divorce, a handicapped child, an alcoholic family member, someone else’s success, a slap in the face, someone saying something hurtful, reaching your goal of losing weight, evolving into someone different – it IS more important than anything AND you are in control – double bonus. You can react simply with a smile and you’ve just changed the dynamic of the situation. This one is a favorite: when some shithead cuts you off (even worse if they are driving some fancy ride) – oh, you must be having diarrhea waves and I’m happy to let you rush ahead of me to reach a toilet.
•    My best parenting strategy is to discipline the instigator. If G stole R’s cookie and R started whaling on him, I’d pull R aside right away and teach him how to solve it different. I usually wouldn’t punish him any further unless he needed time to think about it. I’d make them both apologize. It’s counterintuitive to our culture but it’s teaching how you can control a reaction. I’d like to teach some adults this in real-time but not sure it would go over too well. I’ll just keep working on mine.
•    My beautiful sister Beth embarked on the loss of her husband through divorce last year. We went to Miraval last April and afterwards, her outlook was incredibly profound and clear. Her attitude shifted to “thank you for letting me go” and while what she was going through wasn’t easy AT ALL, she shifted her attitude and got through it. I love that she was open to it. I love her.

I don’t always have the best attitude about everything – especially when I find myself complaining about something or blaming someone. I know there needs to be an attitude adjustment inside me and how I’m reacting to the situation. I really try not to ‘change’ the situation or the person’s behavior. It’s 100% unproductive.

Open Door #2 to get close to your attitude. Be curious, ask why, travel back to Door #1 to get some insight and then come back in. Make it positive. Be the example. The very best use of energy in our day-to-day lives is to reactive in a way that is loving, from the heart and honest. Simply be aware, get quiet and take control. It’s simple but it isn’t always easy. If nothing else have the Attitude of Gratitude and respond with a ‘thank you’. See what happens.

With Love,
Katie